Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Where there's no right or wrong, there's emotion

Work today.  It was really busy for some reason, Shane's cut down the labor to 2 in the evening.  It was Holly, who is kind of slow, and myself.  She spells "lettuce", "lettus"...she could just write "L" but she chose to spell it out, meh...we got a long fine in the end...Call of Duty the rest of the night, I played with my buddy from Mexico, who was in the marines for 4 years and 2 of his friends from the corps.  It was pretty intense, playing a war game with 3 war vets.  I always felt inadequate and that they were always covering my mistakes, it was probably more mental on my part.

Control.

I just had a great talk with Drabik.  The talk got me thinking about how control works in a relationship.  I think now is a good time to talk about it as I feel that my connections with any relationships that could institute a "control" factor are at a minimum, which is a great feeling.  So, I've been in positions where I've relinquished my control in a relationship and it's pretty hard to get some of that control.  Examples, I gave Lexi all the control when we dated, the worst is that I gave it to her voluntarily.  I think once I realized I lost that control is when I became dissatisfied with our relationship.  So the moral of that, don't let them get control, right? I, personally think, no.  I mean, if it gets to that point, then, yes, getting control is important.

I think, however, that a good relationship should not be so dependent upon who has control.  Look at your best friends, control isn't an issue and everyone has a great time.  Obviously, with people we may be attracted to, it gets complicated.  We want to hang out with them, sometimes all the time, but we find ourselves playing silly games.  It's not right to expect them to be as available as we are nor to expect them to want to see us as much as we want to see them.  Sometimes both parties are just that crazy about each other, Cole and Kurt.  That's not a bad thing, though.  Other times though, I have gotten the feeling that I have become a bit OD with girls.  Upon realizing this, I have found myself literally composing texts only to erase them deciding it wasn't the right thing to say or that I had texted them too much already.  It should never be like that, but as humans are often emotionally driven, it is frequently the case when control is a factor.

I think the best way to combat this is to act like you have control, to them and to yourself.  The example I used was Roger Clemens lying about steroids.  He lied to himself enough that even he believed he didn't take drugs.  Even though they might have control, tell yourself that you have control.  Eventually you will gain that control because you've essentially "lied" to yourself for a couple weeks.

I guess the interesting thing about control is that it is based completely upon the mentality of the person who doesn't have it.  So if that person can change their mentality, they change who has control of the relationship.  Either they gain control or, better yet, no one gets control.  It becomes a non factor.  I think most early relationships, dating wise, start with control as a factor.  I think most successful relationship, dating wise,  continue with no one controlling the other.

Believing this is easier to do than applying it though, somehow...


Here's to lettus,

Chin

2 comments:

  1. Interesting thoughts. I'd like to say that ideally, control resides in both participants in the relationship. Realistically though, I believe that society has made it so in the beginning, especially in the courtship period, control belongs to the male. We're supposed to "control" when and how often we see the female, where we go and what we do...etc

    But as many guys know, we don't want the control all the time, its nice to sit back and let the girl handle things every now and then, or in Stann's case, all the time. Guess it depends on the person and what kind of relationship/situation they like. I don't mind the control most of the time.

    Always remember, that if a guy wants to see you...he will....that true statement show's the level of control we most often hold.

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  2. There has never been a relationship in my life where I haven't had complete control - platonic or intimate. No one dare question my authority!

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